


don't wake up (i'll be here for centuries)

by eatthatup



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Dreamsharing, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 03:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatthatup/pseuds/eatthatup
Summary: Even doesn’t find it weird, he’s had lucid dreams before. And it’s normal to dream about people you think you’ve never seen before. It’s all good, until he dreams about the blonde boy again.





	don't wake up (i'll be here for centuries)

**Author's Note:**

> this is supposed to be confusing and angsty so if you don't like that read at your own risk!!
> 
> beta'd by @evenismo on tw<3 and nyicris here
> 
> title from lavender by two door cinema club
> 
> thank you candela for inspiring me<3 ily

The first time it happens, Even doesn’t give much thought to it. 

He is finishing his shift at Kaffebrenneriet when the blonde boy walks up to the counter, wearing a worried expression. 

“What can I get you?” The boy looks up, green eyes shining, and Even nearly passes out. 

“A black coffee.” He says. He’s not a black coffee kind of guy, Even can tell. But he smiles and takes his order anyway. 

The coffee shop seems never-ending, and there’s no one there except for the blonde boy and his co-workers. He doesn’t mind the long wait for the boy’s order to be finished, because he gets to appreciate every little detail. Like his hair curling around his snapback and his inevitable grumpy face because it’s very _fucking early_ in the morning, or the little mole above his lips or the most peaked and pretty cupid bow Even has ever seen. 

But there’s something off, and the boy is looking at him. 

He’s about to ask him but the boy beats him to it. 

“Even, it’s just a dream.”

Even wakes up. 

-

Even doesn’t find it weird, he’s had lucid dreams before. And it’s normal to dream about people you think you’ve never seen before. It’s all good, until he dreams about the blonde boy again. 

This time though, Even learns his name.

He is in a park, and there's a dog resting beside him on a bench. But it's not weird, and he doesn't notice the little details until he takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at his hands. Now that’s weird—having six fingers _is_ weird. That’s when he notices, he’s dreaming. 

As Even becomes gradually aware, his surroundings start to appear more realistic, and he feels as if he’s been there before. The blonde boy appears right behind him.

“Hi.” He sits down beside him. 

Even just looks at him. 

“Will you stop whatever you’re doing?” He’s grumpy. Even loves it. 

“If you tell me your name.” He smiles flirtatiously, as if he’s done this a thousand times. 

Even blinks and he’s gone. He’s about to pinch himself to try to wake up when his phone vibrates in his hand. 

**Isak** (15:06pm)  
_be there in 5_

 **Isak** (15:06pm)  
_i hope whatever you are going to tell me it’s worth my boss yelling at me_

 **Isak** (15:07pm)  
_love you anyway_

-

Even doesn’t understand who Isak is and why he is tormenting his dreams. So, he ignores it. He dreams of curly hair and glassy eyes desperately looking for answers. And he ignores it. But there is something building up inside him—and when what feels like two seconds later he crashes down, he wishes dreams weren’t necessary for his health. Because this boy wouldn’t leave him alone and he needs to _sleep._

He had two dreams that night. 

“Do you think I’m doing this on purpose?” Isak asks, looking sadly at the cheese toasties lying on the ground. 

“I don’t know who you are and why I’m dreaming about you.” He bites down on the sandwich, grimacing slightly at the after-taste. Who made these?

“You are not dreaming about me.” Isak corrects him. 

“What?” 

“You are dreaming _with_ me.” His eyes are focused behind him. It seems as if he is avoiding eye contact—and it makes Even want to lift his chin up and stare at his green eyes forever. 

“I don’t understand.” He really doesn’t. 

“Me neither.” And just like that, he’s out of the door. Looking sad and slightly pissed. 

Even wakes up. 

Or, he wakes up, inside a dream. 

He opens his eyes, wincing a little when he feels the light hitting his face. Isak is sleeping right next to him, and once Even is fully awake he becomes pretty aware of the boy’s naked state. He really doesn’t understand. 

Even actually tries not to move, but Isak is already stirring awake. He looks around and his eyes land on him.

“Fuck.” He slowly moves away from him, sitting up and facing the wall. 

And God, his back is the prettiest sight. It’s covered in freckles and moles, and actual _hickeys_ that make their way far down, where Even isn’t even able to see. 

Hearing a sob coming from the younger boy, Even realizes he probably needs to speak. 

“What’s wrong?” Even asks, because that’s the only thing to say he could think of. 

“I miss you.” Isak mumbes. Even just stares. It’s just a dream. “Don’t you remember anything at all?” 

Isak looks back at him and he is full-on crying now. His eyes are puffy and red, and there are tears streaming down his face—he just looks wrecked. 

“I-”

“Just tell me what happened.” 

Even doesn’t understand. He just wants to wake up.

“I want to wake up.” He pinches himself. “I want to wake up, please let me wake up.” 

Isak gives him a painful stare and he wakes up. Somehow, he manages to hear those three words before he opens his eyes. 

“I love you.” 

-

It all becomes static. He wakes up, and he gets up—or maybe he doesn’t. Something is pushing him down, making it difficult for him to breathe properly. It tires Even. 

And he doesn’t really want to sleep, but he’s so tired. His eyelids feel heavy, his body feels numb and his mind doesn’t seem to want to shut up. So sometimes, it's not something he _wants_ , it's something he _needs_.

This dream appears to be normal, he’s walking down a forest, following a barely visible path and he’s heading _somewhere_. He doesn’t know _where_ but his subconscious is sure of it. 

It’s a beach. And a bench. Even goes to sit there, as if he’d done it a thousand times. He’s sure he’s waiting for something. 

Tiredness begins to sink in—even though he’s been sitting there for five minutes—and somehow Even blinks, and in front of him the sun is setting. The pink and orange tones illuminate his face, fading slightly to blue and darker shades. There are already some stars shining brightly, and Even never wants to leave this place. He drinks the peacefulness in. 

Laughter behind him startles him. 

“You really waited here?” It’s Isak. 

Maybe Even thought about it before, but now that he’s really aware, he thinks Isak is the prettiest boy he has ever seen. And he doesn’t know how his mind is capable of making up someone as gorgeous as Isak. He is wrapped up in a green jacket and a wine-colored scarf, and his nose is so red that it makes Even want to kiss it. His entire face makes Even want to kiss _him_.

“Huh?” He is sure Isak notices him staring, but fuck it. 

Isak shrugs and sits down beside him. Looking up at the sky. The stars shine right in the deep green of his eyes, and the hues of the sunset make his face even more soft and pretty than it already is. Even thinks that maybe that’s what exactly makes _all of this_ a dream.

“I think that if you’re going to freak out in every dream, you should at least enjoy them.” He looks at Even by the end of the sentence, then glances down at his hands, mumbling: “This one is really pretty.”

Even thinks about it. “This one?”

Isak nods. Why is he being so cryptic? 

“You’ve been here before?” He asks, it’s stupid but _all of this_ is stupid. 

“Uh, yeah.” He says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Now Even is _really_ confused. “How so?”

Isak sighs and even though it’s almost completely dark, he can see the sadness in his eyes. “Let’s make a deal.”

Even motions for him to continue. 

“You stop asking questions you won’t understand the answer to and start just enjoying the dreams and I’ll stop bothering you.” He looks at him now, eyes so green it’s almost blinding.

Even considers it and opens his mouth before he can process what he’s saying. “I don’t want you to stop bothering me.” 

And then, Isak smiles. His smile is so bright Even is sure that’s the only thing he wants to see everyday. Maybe he’ll manage to enjoy these dreams. 

Even wakes up with a smile plastered on his face. 

-

He enters the dark room, fearing that maybe this could be a nightmare instead of his usual dreams with Isak. Or maybe a nightmare with Isak. 

But then he sees it, the big screen, the infinite seats and the blonde curls illuminated by the dim light coming from the white screen. He takes a seat beside him, feeling Isak tense when their shoulders touch—Even feels such like a teenager when he shivers. 

“So what are we watching?” He asks playfully. Does he really care about watching a movie inside a dream? 

“Dirty Dancing.” Isak doesn’t even look at him.

“Oh, nice!” Even smirks, now looking at the screen. He doesn’t miss Isak’s red-tinted cheeks. 

There’s some kind of familiarity about the place, besides the movie, which Even has watched approximately ninety-five times by now. It smells like popcorn, even though they aren’t even eating, and he can smell faintly a familiar perfume. He starts wondering about the meaning of these dreams when Isak interrupts him.

“It’s starting.” 

He’s deep into the movie when it happens. His own voice pulls him out of it, followed by Isak’s voice. 

“Oh yeah, there we are.” Isak murmurs—as if he could bother anyone around them with his voice, considering they were alone—looking at the front rows, _where Isak and Even where sitting._

And okay, constantly lucid-dreaming and making up a person that appears in every dream is _weird_. But not as weird as literally watching _your fucking clone_ doing things, unaware of it all. What the fuck. 

“What the fuck?” He voices his own thoughts. 

Isak laughs then, like really loud, throwing his head back. And Even doesn’t stare at his pale neck at _all._

“That’s us. Get used to it.” Isak looks up at him, smiling, and it’s _so_ endearing.

Even looks at them—at _themselves_ , and wonders. He thinks about his brain and his pills and his hours of sleep. And nothing makes sense. 

“We have a deal. You don’t ask questions and just enjoy” Isak reminds him, as if he could sense Even worrying, and then goes back to the movie. Even does the same.  
Except he doesn’t, his gaze is fixed in cloned Even and Isak and their flirty banter. _It’s cute_ , he thinks. But it only makes this it’s-just-a-dream scenario more difficult, because he thinks Isak is the cutest boy in the galaxy, and there’s the “I love you” and “I miss you” and it’s weird but it makes him feel so _alive_. 

Clone-Even moves his hand and puts it softly on top of Clone-Isak’s one, and Clone-Isak flushes bright red. 

And the entire movie goes on like that, Clone Isak and Even flirting while Isak glances shyly at him, blushing when he finds that Even is actually looking back. They build an unspoken bond and when he becomes aware of it, the movie is ending and the credits are rolling. 

Even yawns. “That was nice.”

“Yeah.” Isak stretches his arms and his shirt rides up slightly, revealing a piece of his pale skin. Even admires it while it lasts.

There’s a long pause, which feels like hours. And could’ve lasted hours. 

“Will you ever explain it to me?” Even asks, because his racing thoughts never stopped, they only got stronger. 

“When you are actually ready.” His gaze burns his skin so intensely he wakes up. 

-

Actually getting attached to sleep wasn’t good for Even and the constant worrying starts. 

Sonja calls him a few times and gently—nicely asks him to hang out. They broke up awhile ago, but she insists in being friends. It doesn’t work. Even knows his mom is the one behind every invitation he gets from his friends. It doesn’t surprise him .

Then Mikael comes over, a stormy Thursday evening. 

“You gotta get some fresh air, man.” He tells Even, sitting in the bed beside him. 

“I know.” Even mumbles under the covers, he’s a child, but he doesn’t care. He wants to sleep.

“Promise me you’ll go out with us tomorrow and I’ll leave.” And damn, Mikael knows him too well. There’s no way he can get out of this one. 

“Promise.” Mikael smiles and leaves. It’s enough. 

He falls asleep around eight o’clock. There’s suddenly a kitchen, and a song, and blonde hair and green eyes. It captures him. 

Even is in a kitchen, and Isak is sitting on the counter, bopping shyly to the rhythm of a song on the radio. It smells like food and _home_ and Even absolutely adores it. 

“Oh, there you are.” Isak smiles but Even manages to notice something’s off. 

“What’s wrong?” He turns around, admiring the younger boy fully. Isak looks down, fumbling with his fingers.

“Nothing.”

“Isak…” 

“You are obsessing with the dreams. I’m worried.” Isak explains, mumbling more than actually talking but Even understands. 

“What are you talking about?” Even hates being the confused one, because even though Isak is the one who actually understands, he just seems so _lost_ , that the only thing Even wants to do is guide him.

“You are sleeping even when you don’t _have_ to. And you know that doesn’t help you at all.” He sighs then. And he looks so sad, Even wants to hug him. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault. But I’m not worth it.” He mumbles the last part, it breaks his heart. “Especially because you don’t remember.”

What is he supposed to remember?

“Okay. I promise.” He walks until he’s in front of Isak, barely between his legs. 

“You promise?” Isak looks up at him through his eyelashes and _God, he’s so cute._

“Yeah.” Smiling, they eat. They eat because there’s food there, and no one questions it. 

The next day, when Even is in the park approaching Yousef and Mikael, and the latter shouts “You came!” he doesn’t know which promise he fulfilled. 

Green eyes and golden curls fill his mind. 

-

They are sitting in the backyard of Nissen—which Even’s never been to but he knows by name—watching Clone-Even and Clone-Isak. They are just sitting on the bench between two bushes and Clone-Even is lighting up a joint. 

“This one is ridiculous.” Isak says, gaze fixed on the two boys. 

Even laughs. “Why?”

“You, a stranger, offer me a joint and expect me to follow you outside as if I’ve known you my whole life. That’s not me.” Even notices this boy has some strong opinions, he _loves_ it.

“Well, I’m really charming, y’know.” Isak blushes at that. He _loves_ that too. “Also, you followed me after all, so…” 

“Fuck off!” He punches his shoulder softly. Even shivers— _will he ever stop being a teenager?_

Clone-Even laughs at Clone-Isak, and Even can actually see his blush spreading through his entire body. 

“You know, maybe you actually felt as if you’ve known me your entire life.” It has a light joking tone, but he’s serious. Kind of. 

“Maybe.” He lowers his gaze. 

There’s silence. And their hearts beat in synch. 

“I mean, I look really hot.” Even says. Isak laughs.

Even wakes up with his laugh echoing in his head. 

-

The second time Even wakes up naked with Isak beside him is awkward. Because Isak no longer feels like a stranger to him, he’s like an _actual person_ he’s getting to know, like a friend or a _crush_. This time is awkward. But at least Isak isn’t crying. 

He isn’t crying but he’s _moaning_. And Even would be lying if he said he wasn’t turned on as fuck— staying as still as possible, naked, beside a moaning-Isak. 

Even doesn’t understand. 

And he doesn’t get much time to freak out about it because Isak stops moaning and tenses beside him. Even tries to act as if he’s asleep. It doesn’t work.

He decides it’s his job to break the silence.

“How do you sleep in a dream?” He jokes and Isak giggles. They pretend he isn’t bright red. 

“I don’t know.” He doesn’t turn his body around, just his head. And again, they both pretend they don’t know why. “I guess that’s what lucid dreaming is about.” 

“This feels even more real.” Even confesses. 

He’s had lucid dreams before this happened, and it never felt as real and his mind never felt as aware as it is right now. In fact, he’s never felt as dizzy as he feels right now with a hard-on. It’s too much, and Isak’s presence right beside him isn’t helping at all, his moans still ringing in his ears.

“I know.” Isak sighs.

They hear laughter coming from the bathroom, shower still running. 

“I’m glad we are having fun.” Even says, because if he doesn’t say something, he’ll think too much, and if he thinks too much-

“Yeah, this room must be expensive. I’m glad _you_ paid for it.”

Even is somehow glad too, when he wakes up with his hard-on still there. 

-

Even really hopes he isn’t naked again, because masturbating to someone you don’t know if you made up or actually exists is exhausting. Gladly, he’s inside a car, driving. And once he adjusts himself, he notices the night and the infinite stars—the strong rain making it seem like they are falling. He’s so relaxed by the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car he doesn’t notice Isak sitting beside him until he speaks up. 

“This one is sad.” He looks at the road moving—or, they were the ones actually moving—outside. 

Even giggles. “Is it? How bad?”

“I think we fought and you really want me to forgive you.” Isak glances shortly at him through the mirror. 

“How long would it take you to forgive me?”

Apparently, really fucking long. Even is standing in the pouring rain, waiting for Isak to open the door for him. And it’s not working. 

“Isak, please.” He is yelling. Isak doesn’t answer. “I’m so sorry.”

He finally opens the window. 

“Even, please go.” He pleads. And it’s heartbreaking, he can see his eyes shining, but there’s isn’t any hint of green. Of happiness. It’s tears and swollen eyes. 

“I love you so much.” Even looks just about the same. But he’s wrecked, that’s not him.

Even with the rain, the tears streaming down Isak’s face are evident. He sighs, and looks at his hands. “Do you?”

There is silence. “Do you really love me?”

“Isak, I love you so much I don’t think there’s a universe where I don’t. I don’t think there’s an Even out there that doesn’t love you, even deep down. You are everything I’ve been looking for, I can’t lose you.” Isak sobs. “I can’t lose you. I just can’t.” He seems to be mumbling that, and repeating it to himself. He can feel a tear rolling down his own cheek. 

Then Isak disappears and two seconds later the door is opening. And they are hugging, and kissing, and mumbling _i love you’s_ and _i’m sorry’s_ , unbothered by the rain and the rest of the world.

In between all of that, he manages to hear it. 

_An Even who doesn’t have you is not actually Even._

-

His mind is filled with _Isak, Isak, Isak_. His dimples, his moles, his curls, his smile and his eyes. And god, his laugh. He thinks he will never have enough of it. 

But there’s also the problem that comes with it, the constant reminder that _it’s just a dream_. It’s so weird, because it never feels like _just_ a dream, not even just a lucid dream. It feels like he’s being transported into another dimension, hanging out with Isak and then coming back to his own world. It feels _real_. 

He thinks he’s ready. So he wakes up. 

And he’s been here before, it’s a kitchen but not _the_ kitchen, and he’s holding a beer, and suddenly Isak is there, too. Sitting on the counter. 

“I want to know.” He goes straight to it. Isak gives him a puzzling look. 

“About?” He takes a swig of his can of beer, putting it lightly beside Even’s. 

“Everything.” 

Isak looks down. 

“It’s funny, you know.” Isak smiles to himself, as if he’s remembering something. “Because all of this happened when _I_ was the confused one. I kept asking you the same questions, we were both confused but you somehow made me feel like you knew more.” His smile fades. 

Even doesn’t understand. 

“I’m living my own reality, this is as much as a dream for me as it is for you.” 

Isak studies his face.

“You have to understand this is the universe doing its thing. We have to be together, somehow. So we meet in dreams, instead of real life.” Isak checks on him and Even carefully nods. 

“Why can’t we just… Meet up?” Even asks. He’s totally not thinking about it. 

Isak laughs bitterly. His thoughts fade. “We tried. We can’t.” A deep breath. “It’s like we are meant to be together this way. And we accepted it, we were having fun. And then you vanished.” He looks sad for a moment, and Even thinks he’s about to cry. “You vanished and now that you are back, you just _can’t_ remember. And I don’t understand. I don’t understand.” 

Even feels dizzy as his grip on the edge of the counter tightens. _Even doesn’t understand._

“Every dream it’s a different scenario of every Isak and Even that exist in every universe. And we live those moments or watch them develop. But we are conscious and aware. And we were both strangers at some point, too.” 

“I’m so sorry.” He manages to say. 

“Don’t be.” Isak smiles, and it’s the literal definition of smiling through the pain. 

“I don’t know what happened, I don’t remember, I-”

Isak grabs his arm. “Hey, don’t worry. At least you’re still here.” 

With his arm on fire, he looks up. 

“At least I’m here.” 

Waking up was never this hard.

-

Kitchens become a constant at some point. Because most of their dreams happen in one, somehow. Even opens his eyes and the first thing he hears is the loud bass in the distance. Then he smells the alcohol, and the bodies moving, and the people kissing. He’s at a party. 

Someone elbows him in the ribs and he decides it’s better if he moves away from the crowd. Wandering through the halls he reaches a familiar kitchen. With a familiar boy in it. 

“Hey.” Even says, catching Isak’s attention. And God, he’s so pretty. His cheeks painted with pink stripes and his black shirt and his shy smile are doing things to Even and he doesn’t think he can resist any longer. 

“Hey.” He stops doing whatever he was doing to look at him. 

“You look cute.” Even really can’t resist it. 

“Stop.” And somehow Isak manages to blush even a deeper color than the one already on his cheeks. 

Isak looks down and Even takes the opportunity to get even closer. 

“How are you doing?” Isak asks, barely looking up. 

“I’m doing better.” He smiles. Isak blushes. “So much better.” 

“That’s great.” He’s still not looking up and it’s driving Even _crazy_.

“Isak.” He mutters, because given the proximity there’s no need to even talk at a normal volume. Isak flinches, but he looks up. 

There’s a moment in which Isak looks at his lips and then his eyes, and back to his lips again. It feels like an eternity and it _physically_ hurts Even. Then he licks his lips, and there’s no going back now. 

Even lunges forward, grabbing softly Isak’s jaw and slotting their lips together, feeling a spark _everywhere_. They stay still and kiss softly for a second, until Isak sighs and hugs Even’s neck. Even starts moving then, enjoying every slide of their lips. Because Isak’s lips are the softest thing Even has ever touched, and he’s resisting to bite them just to keep the kiss soft and innocent. Isak starts grabbing passionately his neck, bringing them closer and deepening the kiss. And God, Even feels as if they’ve kissed a thousand times before because he knows exactly what he’s doing. And it still feels like a first time.  
He rests his hands on Isak’s hips, and lets his tongue touch his bottom lip. He feels Isak melting. Their tongues meet and the tiny noise Isak makes is enough to make Even push him softly against the counter. They separate, because they need air and because Isak might have groaned a little when he was pressed against the hard surface. Even admires Isak’s pink lips, shining with saliva—his saliva, and his cupid bow looks so puffy Even can’t resist any longer, joining their lips again. And now he bites down on them, swallowing every unholy noise Isak makes, and at some point, he lets his hands wander. They touch every part of Isak’s small body. They go up, feeling his waist and then back, above and under his shirt. Feeling Isak shudder against him is maybe the best feeling in the world.

And it all feels too real, it feels too real when his hands stop at Isak’s thighs, lifting him up on the counter. It feels too real—too genuine, being closer and closer, Isak’s legs meeting behind his back. It feels too real, so he separates. Isak chasing his lips is the prettiest sight. 

“I got carried away.” Even smiles, eyes crinkling. 

“I don’t mind.” He replies shyly and all Even can think is _I’m gone, I’m gone._

“It feels too real.” Even whispers. 

“It is.”

-

Even feels so powerful. He’s feeling so good. He feels finally balanced. And the night-time slowly starts to become his day-time. Dreams become his reality and he somehow makes it work, no one suspects a thing. And he’s having the best sleep he’s ever had. 

They are on a beach. Even doesn’t exactly know where but he thinks they are in the United States—so when someone comes to ask Isak something in english and he answers, Even has to use every little drop of self-control he has left not to grab him, sit him on his lap and make him grind against him until they are both panting for more. 

Also, Isak is wearing red swim trunks. They are not helping, at all. 

“Can you help me apply sunscreen to my back?” Isak asks innocently, facing away from him. Isak’s back was something that belonged to a museum. Actually, Isak altogether belonged to a museum. But his back is covered in moles and freckles, and if you grabbed a pen and joined each point and mark, Even was sure it would form a map of the night-sky. He wants to look at it forever. But the bottle of sunscreen Isak’s holding is waiting. 

He hates that this is the typical cliche of applying sunscreen and getting turned on. But Isak is making noises that are far from innocent and his skin is hot and soft, and Even’s hands look even bigger resting on Isak’s back. 

“Isak?” Even asks once he’s done. 

He looks at him now—sunglasses on and those golden curls _glowing_ under the sun. 

“Were we… A couple?” The question lingers, tensing the air between them. Isak looks at his hands. 

“Yeah…” He licks his lips. “I think we were.”

He _hates_ hurting Isak. 

There’s a full minute where they just look at each-other, the distant sounds coming from the shore filling the silence. 

“Should we go swimming?” Isak asks looking at the waves moving towards them. 

They race into the water together, and Even feels more alive than ever. 

-

Even got so used to dreaming with Isak everyday, he didn’t think he would dream without him again. But there he is, in the park. 

He’s sitting on the same bench, with the same dog beside him and a similar light breeze ruffling his hair. Isak is nowhere to be seen. So he thinks about the last time he dreamed about this place. It was his second time—maybe third, dreaming with Isak. But the place still feels extremely familiar, there’s just _something_ about the trees surrounding it, the dog and the clouds. 

He remembers his phone and Isak’s messages. 

But when he stuffs his hand in one of his pockets looking for his phone, he feels a little velvet box. 

Taking it out, Even realizes it’s an engagement ring. 

He feels so overwhelmed he wakes up. 

-

Even doesn’t know if Mikael and Yousef are ignoring him on purpose. Maybe they are just tired of Even ditching them for sleeping-in, maybe they are just tired of _Even_. But Even feels _so_ happy that spending the entire day alone in school doesn’t seem bad at all, because he finally has something to look forward to when he gets home. 

There comes a point in which he doesn’t feel tired at all, so he takes sleeping pills and enjoys the short dreams with Isak. 

They go to ice cream shops together, have luxurious dinners at expensive restaurants and at some point they even go to Paris. Right now, they are at Nissen again. But it’s different.

They are in some kind of empty classroom. Isak is sitting on a desk with Even between his legs, and when he becomes aware of the compromising position and the proximity of their bodies his entire face flushes bright red. 

“I guess we are at that point where we sneak out to make out.” Isak says. 

“Oh.” Even smirks and Isak’s blush only deepens. “You want to make out with me?” He quips.

“I didn’t mean _us_.” Isak is rolling his eyes and is the cutest thing Even’s ever seen. 

“So you don’t want to make out with me?” 

“I didn’t say that.” Now his hands are covering his face and Even can’t resist moving them and interlacing their fingers, making Isak look up. 

Their faces are so close Even can feel Isak’s breath ghosting over his bottom lip—his mouth hanging open and looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes. He brings their mouths together without hesitation. And Isak immediately melts, opens up, goes pliant under Even’s touch. He gives Even everything he has. They move almost perfectly, Isak humming softly when Even lets his tongue wander inside his mouth and grips his hips tightly, bringing him closer and putting all his weight against Even’s body. 

Isak looks ethereal. His curls feel soft when Even runs a hand through them, tugging softly and swallowing the hoarse noise Isak makes. And then his back. His back is beyond human comprehension, it feels hot against Even’s cold hands, and Isak shudders at the first contact. But he keeps running his hands through his entire body nonetheless, softly—delicately. Isak feels like he’s made of glass. 

He stops and lets his hands rest carefully on the dimples on his lower back. Now he can focus on nipping on Isak’s jaw, trying not to hurt him. It’s Isak tugging at his hair that encourages him, and he bites at his skin, decidedly—he watches the red mark appear proudly. It becomes frantic. Isak tugs him towards his mouth again and they kiss so passionately that Even thinks he might actually die by the lack of oxygen. Their mouths keep moving and biting and Isak wants them even closer, so he moves one of his hands to Even’s back. 

Even winces in pain. 

“What the fuck?” Isak breathes against his mouth. It shouldn’t be as hot as it is right in that moment. 

He turns around and Isak lifts his shirt up. He laughs. 

“Oh my god.” He’s still laughing, but Even can feel he’s shy all of sudden. 

“What?”

“You are covered in scratches.” He stammers. 

Even turns around, raising his eyebrows at Isak, enjoying every time he blushes. 

“Wow, kinky.” 

They go back to kissing. 

-

They are back at the hotel room. Isak starts giggling when he realizes, and Even decides it’s a sound he wants to hear every single day of his life right when he wakes up. 

There’s an awkward silence while they investigate the room and then decide to sit on the bed and eat. Because, somehow, they are both hungry. And it’s beyond the underlying sexual tension. 

“You have ketchup on your face.” Even says and is already wiping it off with his thumb. As he’s about to clean himself with a napkin, Isak takes his wrist and licks the food out of his thumb. And he’s looking at Even straight in the eye while he does it, slowly, his tongue tickling the pad of his finger. 

“Fuck.” He mutters. What else could he say? 

The unbearable sexual tension doesn’t last long, because Isak is joining their lips in a messy kiss, pushing the food to the other side of the bed. He straddles Even’s lap, and Even has never thought he would see Isak being in control— _this_ determined to get something. 

Isak pushes his tongue into Even’s mouth, and Even can’t help but grind upwards, smiling when Isak groans. It’s a kissing mess. And then a grinding mess. And then there are no clothes holding them back. There’s nothing holding them back and Even takes a second to admire Isak. 

His lips are shining, his eyes are the darkest shade of green and he’s flushed from head to toe. And he’s just so beautiful Even can’t help but kiss every inch and every corner of his body. 

“I’m gonna eat you out, okay?” Even breathes against his lips, while spreading his legs open. 

“What?”

“I’m gonna eat your ass, Isak. What do you think?” He quips inching lower and lower. He can feel Isak frantically nodding. 

At the first contact of his lips with Isak’s hole, Isak arches his back in a way that Even thinks he might break it. But what makes Even dizzy is when he pushes his tongue in and Isak actually _screams_. 

That’s the second sound he wants to wake up to. 

He feels drunk in the way Isak moans, the way he asks for _more_ and _faster_ , the way he asks shyly to be on top of him, and Even confusedly nods. And it’s the best view Even has ever seen, doesn’t matter how many sunsets or night skies he’s watched before, Even decides Isak moving up and down on top of him, gripping Even’s shoulders and throwing his head back is _so much better_. He feels drunk in love with Isak. 

When he wakes up, he realizes it’s much more than a simple wet dream. 

-

They decide to change his meds. Even doesn’t mind, because he really wants to get better, get _normal_ hours of sleep and _be_ normal. But he actually feels fine. He feels so good, so much better, he thinks he’s finally getting a happy ending. 

But his mind starts doing weird things. He doesn’t sleep for days, and when he does, he has nightmares. Dark halls and dark bathrooms, and it’s all dark. He misses the golden, the green, he misses vivid colors and feeling alive. He misses Isak. 

And then he has _normal_ dreams again, _typical_ dreams. With insignificant events that happen through the day and with people he knows. It’s not what he wants. And then he goes three more days without sleeping. 

_Even doesn’t understand._

-

He’s inside a nightmare again. There’s the dark hall, which appears much more illuminated now, but he still doesn’t dare to move. There’s a faintly familiar smell and he’s not sure he’s ready to admit to himself where he’s right now. Then, Even hears Isak’s voice. 

And fuck, he’s crying. Crossing the dark hall is hard, because now he knows where he is going, he knows the pictures hanging on the wall, he knows the feeling of the carpet beneath his feet. He knows Isak’s crying on the bathroom. The bathroom. 

“Please, please Even.” It’s sad. Even knows it’s his fault. But Isak was never supposed to be inside his nightmares. 

His nightmares are not a parallel universe. Isak isn’t supposed to know. 

“Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me.” There’s silence. “I can’t lose you. Not again.” 

He enters the bathroom. He isn’t surprised, but Isak is kneeling beside him, and it hurts so much Even can’t help but let the tears finally stream down his face. He lets them fall because he remembers it all. 

_Even doesn’t understand._

Isak knows it’s too late. He knows it’s not real. “I love you so much.” 

Even is still bleeding, but his heart doesn’t seem to be beating anymore. His face is pale, and the happiness and crinkly eyes that used to be permanent there are far gone. Even is far gone. The pool of blood is not stopping Isak, who hugs his limp body with the little strength he has left. He looks wrecked. 

“I’m so sorry.” Even whispers. He wipes the tears away. 

Isak jumps at the sound of his voice and looks at him. He doesn’t look like his usual self. 

“Why?” _Why? Why would you do that? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you kill yourself?_

He hears a voice in the distance. There is no time. 

“There’s isn’t exactly a reason why people do it.” He looks away. The memories are coming back so strongly it makes his head hurt. 

“I meant why didn’t you tell me.” 

_Even? Open the door!_

“I didn't know.” Even says. Because that’s the truth. Because he doesn’t understand. He just wants to wake up.

Isak stands up and walks towards him. There is blood everywhere, but that doesn’t seem to matter because they are hugging as firmly and lovingly as they are able to.

_Even! Even please, please!_

“You weren’t supposed to be here.” He mumbles against his hair. 

_Even wake up! Please wake up!_

“I know. I don’t understand either.” Isak reassures him. Even doesn’t know if Isak can hear it too. “Just wake up.”

_Hello, my son tried to kill himself._

Even wakes up. 

-

The truth hurts. It hurts and his mind is on fire. The racing thoughts won’t stop, and there’s no one there to listen to him. Because Mikael and Yousef are angry at him, he doesn’t understand the reason, _Even doesn’t understand_. Then Sonja is not answering his texts. And he can’t sleep. 

He thinks Facebook it’s a good idea. Until it isn’t. It all goes to hell after that. He crashes down, but this time feels even longer. 

He thinks he hears his mom talking on the phone, and then he feels two different weights sitting at the end of his bed, rubbing gently his feet. _“We are sorry you thought we were ignoring you.”_

He sees blonde hair and his eyes open widely, almost comically. He knows it’s Sonja but some part of him had hope. 

He finally manages to sleep again.

He knows the forest and follows the path, like he’s done this a thousand times. Now he knows, though. He knows he _has_ done this a thousand times. By the time he reaches the beach, Isak is already sitting on the bench. The sun is setting, again, and the orange and pink shades reflect in the prettiest way against Isak’s face. Even will never get tired of admiring him. 

He sits down beside him, glancing down at the coffee warming up his hands. Now that Even notices, it’s really cold. He shivers. 

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t dare to look at Isak. The sky will have to do it. 

“Don’t be.” Isak takes a swig of coffee, frowning. 

“I am. I really am. I should’ve known. I still don’t know why I didn’t remember.” He tries to explain, he really tries. 

“Even, you tried to kill yourself.” Their eyes meet. “It’s pretty obvious you are not going to remember.” Isak tells him, softly, his eyes sparkling with kindness.

Even sighs. He puts an arm around Isak, because he wants to. Because he can. 

When Isak snuggles closer, Even knows it’ll be okay. 

“I think I’m getting transferred.” Even mumbles. 

“Oh?”

“I fucked up so now I’m transferring schools.” He looks at the stars and hopes he can go there, get lost in the infinity of space, maybe take Isak with him. 

“I’m sure you’ll do great.” Isak smiles reassuringly. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Isak kisses him and Even knows it’ll be okay. 

-

His first day at Nissen is awful. And the only reason is that everything reminds him of Isak. The backyard and the classrooms and empty halls. Even the lockers, somehow. He decides not to tell Isak this, because it’s stupid and Even is sure he’ll get used to it. 

They walk around a park and reach a familiar bench. Even now remembers. 

“I can’t remember how this one ends exactly.” Even comments, looking at himself sitting on the bench. He looks worried, but the phone and the dog are there. 

Isak looks down. “Well, it’s a sad one.”

“Really?” Even keeps looking at Clone-Even fumbling with his phone. 

“Yeah, I never show up.” Isak looks at the sky, anywhere but Clone-Even worriedly glancing around. 

Even frowns, thinking— _aren’t we supposed to be together in every universe?_ — and looks at Isak, his Isak. His hair is messy, dancing around with the wind, and his blonde curls are shining. Not even the sun could shine as much as him. Even realizes he’s trembling and he lets his hands find warmth in his pockets. There’s something there. 

To be specific, a red bracelet. A dumb bracelet that suddenly has a lot of meaning to Even. 

The idea has already been planted in his mind. And if it makes Isak smile, then it’s worth it. 

He gets down on one knee. “Isak Valtersen, would you marry me?” 

Isak’s mouth falls open and Even holds his breath until his face breaks in a blinding smile. 

“You’re so dumb.” Even can tell he loves it. 

“Isak, don’t leave both of us hanging.” He tilts his head towards Clone-Even. 

Another smile. A kiss. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Wouldn’t dream of it, indeed. 

-

It goes on like this for three more weeks. The nightmares never come back. And dreams go back to being his reality. He doesn’t expect it, he never expected it, he didn’t even _think_ about it. 

So when he’s halfway through the school’s backyard and sees a mess of blonde curls and green eyes, he has to check twice that it isn’t a dream. 

Earth stops spinning and time freezes. They make eye contact. And _Even now understands_ , this was the beginning all along. 

Even blinks and Isak is lost between his arms. Even blinks and they are kissing, messily, hungrily. Like it all lead right to this moment. This very moment in time and space. People around them are moving, but it feels like no one else is there. 

They go back to Isak’s place—because _fuck school_ that’s why, and Even recognizes certain things from their dreams. Like the kitchen and the bathroom, and Isak’s bed. And if Even thought dreams felt extremely real, he hasn’t known what real meant until _this moment_. Because if inside dreams Isak’s lips were soft, then in real life they are even softer. They are softer and pinker and Even can’t resist two seconds without giving Isak a quick kiss. It’s real. And if Dream-Isak’s moans were pretty, then real-life Isak’s moans are actual music. Even could write sonnets about them. Even will write sonnets about them, about Isak, about the two of them. About Isak and Even against every universe. 

Even Isak scratching his back feels like it was all leading to this very second. 

Moonlight is dancing in the depth of his green eyes. “What do you think the others Isak and Even are doing?”

“They are all watching us.” He answers and pets his face. Even just _can’t_ stop touching him.

“All of them?” 

“Yeah, we are being watched by all of them. Infinitely.” Even smiles. 

“There are infinite versions of us?” Isak then laughs. And God, _God_.

“Of course.” 

“In infinite time?” 

“In infinite time.”

Even memorizes every little detail of Isak’s face, afraid of waking up and finding that it was all a dream. 

-

When he opens his eyes the first thing he sees is green. Even thinks green is definitely his favorite color. His second favorite would be the color of Isak’s blush when he voices his thoughts. 

“My eyes are not that pretty.” He mumbles, burying his face on the pillow. 

“ _You_ are so pretty.” Even threads his fingers on his hair. He memorizes every sound Isak makes when his fingers tangle in one of his curls. 

“Stop.” Even thinks he’s ready to admit he’s definitely in love. 

They have breakfast together and Isak’s roommate—Eskild, is great company, and makes Isak blush several times, which is something Even is very thankful for. They don’t talk about the part in which _they met through sharing dreams_ so Isak just introduces him as a friend from school. 

“Whatever you say, Isak. I prefer to trust the noises I heard last night.”

Even is pretty sure Isak just invented a new shade of red, because he has never seen him blush _this_ deeply.

Then they go to the park, and they get ice cream and walk around Oslo. And Isak proposes reliving some of their dreams—the ones that were actually possible— and so they sneak into Nissen’s backyard, and they sit on the bench, between the two bushes. They find the forest with the path leading to a beach, maybe it’s not as pretty as it is in dreams, but it’s _theirs_. So they make out sitting there for what feels like hours, and it’s actually hours, because soon they are both shivering and cursing under the dark. The walk back to Even’s place is filled with laughter and stopping to kiss each-other because they are young and wild and it’s _real_.

-

Even introduces Isak to his mom. It goes as perfect as it can go, and making up a stupid story about how they met becomes kind of a thing. They tell Sonja they met through Grindr, and Isak tells his friends—which _love_ Even so they’ll just believe anything— that they met in a hospital. And it’s a thing that makes Even feel like his life just couldn’t get better. 

They decide to try those cheese toasties again. 

“Why do you think this time we worked out?” Even’s startled by the sudden question.

“I don’t know. Maybe we just had to wait.” He smiles at Isak. “It was destiny.”

“Do you believe in destiny?” Isak raises one eyebrow, and Even loves knowing that he’s already picking up his mannerisms. 

“Do you?” He quips. “I don’t know. I prefer to have control over my life.”

“Me too. But I think we were meant to happen. In every universe.” 

Even nods and goes back to eating. In every universe. 

-

Isak keeps complaining about the cold and how little he managed to sleep last night—”Even, _this_ is serious, you have a serious problem and it needs to stop.” Even laughs. “ _You_ need to stop stealing the blanket.”—he decides that stopping at KB before school it’s a great idea. 

They order two black coffees. It’s gross, Even hates black coffee, but somehow Isak manages to hate it _even more_ , ranting for exactly twenty-one minutes about how _deplorable_ it is.

Sitting on a table by the window, Even just stares at Isak grumpily drinking coffee. 

“We are gonna be late because you are a baby and you don’t know how to drink coffee.” Even says, smirking. 

“I _do_ know how to drink coffee! I just hate it!” Isak splutters. 

Even tilts his head to the side teasingly and he can feel Isak relaxing under his gaze. Isak extends his arm to join their hands. He’s still wearing the blue bracelet. 

That’s when he notices. His smile fades. 

It was never blue. It was never real. And it was never this easy. _Even doesn’t understand._

“Isak?”

Even blinks and Isak is gone. Even blinks and he’s suddenly behind the counter, watching the empty and endless coffee-shop. It all happens like it’s supposed to, it’s destiny, he supposes. Isak walks up to the counter. 

“Even, don’t wake up.”

Even wakes up.

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language so i'm deeply sorry if there are any mistakes!


End file.
